Thursday 17 April 2008

new house called a home

Lots of thing had going on in the past 2 month...I finished my master in time (Alhamdulillah).....syukur sgt2...and we manage to find a new tenant for our old home that enable us to moved into the new home before the big bundle of joy is born..Byk rezeki datang dengan datangnya bulan baru..we got a free BIG fridge for free from f**cycle (thanks a lot) and manage to kemas2 the rumah 3 day before our holiday in Paris....woooweeee.....penat seh

Spent a week in D*****land paris and had a fabulous (damn tiring) time there before coming back for the new headache of new phase in my life...the permanent head damage for another 3 years to come......uiissshhhh....kenapa...kenapa....kenapa saya bersetuju nak datang belajar.....arrrghhhhh......takut...

Mr. HB manage to get a new job at a new hotel in town and alhamdulillah..syukur sgt2..tapi kesian kat dia..semalam balik pukul 10pm....nampak sgt penatnya..today..pukul 7pm dah kuar..ntah pukul baper dapat balik plak.....paling syahdu bila sebelum tido semalam bila ditanya pada dia penat ke HB....katanya...'kalo ikut hati dah lama berenti....tapi sbb pikir awak dengan si cinonet dalam perut ni yang buatkan saya teruskan jugak'...syahdu ooooo...tersentuh hati..I know its not easy for him to work in that kind of situation yang dia tak pernah buat...far from the comfor zone that he used to have back in Malaysia...he do it for us.....Thanks HB...muahhhhh....love you

Semalam..balik dari ambik kek lapis yang mak kirim...masuk2 rumah HB kata....

'apesal bau mcam kimia neh.....'

"pelik semcam je baunya....."

"mcam ammonia"

then I terus jwab....

"ammonia bukan bau mcam air kencing ke?"

"eh...ye ke....ala..benda 2 kimia mcam tuhlah"

"apesal ek"....

then baru perasan...rupa2nya ada bunga cempaka yg orang bagi masa house warming saturday lepas dah kembang rupenyerrr.....

patutlah rumah i bau mcam tanah k***r.....uissshhhhh.......takut.......

terus naik atas...titon.......muahahahahah

Wednesday 13 February 2008

update

having been busy lately, Alhamdulillah...sumer projek untuk master sudah dihntar..skrg tgh tgu viva mgu depan..Ya Allah mudahkanlah perjalanan hidupku ini. Last week jumpa dr. cause I had a flu and backache...so far alhamdulillah sumer ok...next check up next week....yeyyeyey.....tak sabar nak tgk baby lagi.
skarang tgh sibuk2 buat proposal phd..pening2....dan sibuk nak pindah rumah...masalah dgn agen plak ..mcam2 karenahnya.....patutnya dpat kunci mgu lepas.. then an hour before nak amek kunci dia kata nak buat gas check lah....pastu api takdak plak dah dlam umah...kena contact supplier suruh pasang api...dah contact...agen plak sunyi sepi..nama je profesional konon....hangin betolllll......mintak2lah selesai sumer mgu ni...dah pening sangat nak pkir psal rumah...dahlah sumeer barang dah masuk kotak...sumer yer....tinggal baju nak pakai 3 hari dgn peti je tak defrost lagi........Ya Allah...byk betul dugaan.......sabar jelah
Today mark our 1st annivessary.....nothing special done today just planning to go bowling later bila habeeb balik.....cant wait for him to come back.plan nak masak masak lemak daging salai dgn ayam pedas......kuang...kuang....pedas sumer....dia mesti tak tahan....heheheheh...

Ya Allah..aku berserah segalanya kepadamu.....tunjukkanlah jalan permudahkanlah perhitungan kami.......

Wednesday 9 January 2008

snail on valium in progress

my dateline is this coming FRIDAY...i am 20 pages behind finish in 2nd project and 10 pages below average in the 1st one. Had my 2nd baby scan today...its a girl..Alhamdulillah, she is normal (based on clinical examination and US). Should have stop my tempering moods and bizarre singing at the middle of the night for the sake of her sanity (and mine)

For this coming year...the new 1429 Hijrah. I will not asked for an easy life...just a more tough and strong mental and physical to overcome any obstacle that may come in our way.....Semoga ditunjukkan jalan , dipermudahkan perhitungan.....hanya kepadaMu aku berserah..igh firli Ya Allah......
Will write more next week.....for my sanity...:D

Sunday 30 December 2007

surat untuk anak mama....

This is the long awaited confession that I had kept inside me since i know that I'm pregnant (or accidentally pregnant...as I would like to say)....It become as a shock first then did I manage to absorb the reality of there is another human being inside me that will remain inside for 9 month and 10 days that will remain inside my heart forever..

sorry anak mama sbb for the first 15 weeks you are inside..I never know your existence....aside from an abnormal bleeding that I thought is my normal result of chaotic hormones doing havoc in my menstrual cycle..I feel no such thing as morning sickness or whatsoever the privileges (or a torture) that other expecting mommy should have feel. My mood swing is tremendously making papa life crazy (he claimed it is still within his limit so I consider it okaylah....)

Then one night...I woke up and silently staring to the spaces...thinking and thinking.....about my life, our marriage, my PhD (I will write quite a lot about it in the future...InsyaAllah) and many more.....I'm in tears suddenly thinking how far had we come before coming to this stage and many more years and obstacle that will come after this ......I want to cry...then suddely I touch my tummy and I feel calmer.....thats when I knew you are there......

A short trip to the A**A to buy a pregnancy kits proved that it is a positive that somebodyis kicking inside me.....holding his dear life to me...solely to me......and I feel strong...had to be strong for my baby.....When I told him...he just smile and said that he can guess it all along the way.....he knew yoor presence long before me...(so I wont blame you if you love him more than me)

At this stage...it is a mixed of love hate relationship with you...I buy you clothes and all the preparation...people said Im glowing whenever I mentioned about you (its more about the shopping for you that make me glow to be honest...you will accept that in the future that your mum is a natural born shopaholic)...but deep inside...I really hate you to be honest, I feel like you had ruined my life, making it upside down, all my planning goes chaotic ...how will I manage...i'm freaking out..I'm not in crisis...I AM the crisis......

Tons and tons of talks to the mommy here and it turns me into a different feeling towards you...I dont hate you anymore...its nothing personal..I just dont feel any connection with you ( I did sounds cruel I think...but this is how I feel...I'm just being honest)

I told my SV about this and after a long discussion with both of them...they suggesting that I take a year leave and start again on next Jan 2009...It never occured to me to ever take that option as I know and believe that we can cope up with all this....they just said that as my project involved a lot of travelling and radiation......it better for me to take a year leave to adjust the life back to normal (it will never be the same again..I accept the fact when I know you are inside) and cherished my 1st year as a mommy and come back later with a fresh new start.....or another option is for me to have a more realistic projects that nearer to home...They really make me feel bad about you..they make me feel like you are a terminal disease in the making......ouccchhhhh...that really break me into pieces....

I find my solace in praying, reciting Qoran...finding the answer for my chaotic life....I tried to listen to others advices....making me more realistic...I guess...rather than freaking out....

Then I read this blogs.http://aljoofre.blogdrive.com/archive/141.html.... Subhanallah.such a good wake up call for me......

Apabila kita ditimpa futur, lemah atau bosan dalam perjalanan ilmu, dakwah dan perjuangan kita, kenangkanlah bagaimana Allah Subhanahu Wata'ala memerintahkan kita berjalan dan bersusah payah untuk mencari secebis ilmu, serta betapa bersusah payahnya para ulamak' terdahulu mencari, mengumpul kemudian menyebarkan ilmu pengetahuan.

Mama mula menerima hakikat dan makin rasional dlama pemikiran....you are not a burden...but a blessing for both of us....dalam kekalutan mama memikirkan tentang permulaan PhD yang sangat berliku ini..kehadiran anak mama menyedarkan mama untuk memikirkan sesuatu yang lebih besar dari PhD..keluarga dan kehidupan...dalam kepenatan dan kegundahan meragui kemampuan sendiri untuk melakukannya (3 more years to go)....kehadiran anak mama rupa2nya titipan peringatan dariNya untuk membuatkan mama lebih fokus dalam pengajian, supaya tidak pernah merasa gundah kerana sudah ini jalan yang mama pilih dan ditentukan untuk mama ..InsyaAllah....

Mama mula menerima hakkat kehadiran anak mama sebagai suatu nikmat yang tak semua orang boleh rasai. Bak kata papa awak....dalam banya2 pasangan yang menunggu nak dapatkan baby ..kenapa kita yang dipilih untuk jadi parents dia..sedangkan Allah boleh sahaja pilih utk letakkan baby ni dalam rencana hidup orang lain...Maha besar kuasa Dia...Subhanallah....dalma kekalutan membenci kehadirannya...dia rupa2nya yang terbaik utk kami.......you are a blessing baby..eventhough it is 19 weeks late to feel the connection and start loving you at least I am starting right.......

Kagum juga baca blog ini http://zlaa.blogspot.com/ yang byk bagi inspirasi how to cope up with PhD..bayangkanlah dgn 6 anak. this sis can manage to get through her life and still manage to pursue PhD at the same time...you are my inspiration.......
Baca2 balik komentar dalam blog ini.....rupa2nya bukan mama sorang je yangmenghadapi kesukaran buat PhD..its normal if:

1. your SV sid ' there is a lot of research had been done in this area' after you had spent a year preparing the proposal and ready to start the project...dont let it turn you down.....there is many research had been done but may more aspects to be carik and gali right...BTW PhD is not just about breaking the unknown code to the world, it is the starting point to get you familiar with the research and finding your way from there...

2. Never ever give up despite what others said..it may seems like you are the only person that know about your topic in this whole world....dont give up.....thats a groundbreaking rules

3. be realistic....it should be within time frame given to you to be completed...no delay...NO DELAY....jangan bertangguh-tangguh...IT WILL GET YOU NOWHERE.....

oppppsss....i am sorry ...i always get too suck up in my PhD that i forgot that we are talking about you....

ikhlas dari hati untuk anak mama...

Permulaan kehadiran mungkin bukan seperti yang dirancangkan...I put the blame on you for everything that goes wrong in my life...my sincerest apologies for that....I am not a good mother but I am trying.....

Sekarang...mama sangat2 menghargai kehadiran anak mama..penguat semangat mama, penebat ketakutan mama, rahmat yang datang dalma diam...walau tidak dirancang.....namun keberkatannya dirasai dalam setiap perbuatan dan kehidupan mama sehari-hari....

I maybe become too obsess with my thesis later (and now) but I guess you will always keep me grounded and leading the way on our family pursuit to happiness.....Ya Allah tunjukkanlah jalan...permudahkanlah perhitungan..wlau byk manapun cabaran mendatang..kuatkanlah hati kami untuk menghadapi segala dugaan......Sesungguhnya Ya Allah..hanya diriMu yang mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk kami......Ya Allah kepadamu kami berserah.....

Mama doakan surat ini tidak akan mengurangkan kasih sayang kita, malah akan membuatkan kita lebih memahami dan menghargai indahnya kasih sayang keluarga kecil kita ini...Insya Allah.....

Dengan penuh kasih sayang untuk anak mama....
Mama....

Thursday 27 December 2007

bahagia....

hanya mereka yang mengenal dirinya sahajalah yang akan mencpai kebahagiaan yang sebenar.....dan mereka yang mengenal dirinya akan turut sama mengenali kekuasaan mamahami hakikat keTuhanan Illahi......

Wednesday 26 December 2007

boxing day....ggggrrrrrr

today is the long awaited day since christmas..the day when all the cash machine ran out of money, the day when credit card hit it jackpot users at a million and the day that not worth spending anywhere else except at shopping complex....in my case the CO....
we get up at 7am,rush to have breakfast at DK house at around 7.40am and then rush to CO with KY and AS.....
my 1st angry mode for that day is...
waiting for him getting ready for 15 minutes in the car...grrrrrrr
i
get there and rushing with all the shopaholic to get the best bargain....my oh my.....it does takes lots of stamina tokeep on fighting for thr right size with the right design......

my 2nd angry mode for that day....
he ask to go separate way for shopping as he mentioned

' i only had a 1/10 of your need to buy item that i want to go and it wont take much time as yours...give me a call when you need me'....ggrrrrrr

keep on shopping....i dont mind as my mind is busy calculating the budget........

my 3rd angry mode for that day
he make a stupid jokes at the lunch table with our friends.....ohhhh.....please grow up.....grrrrrr

my 4th angry mode for that day...
he said
'tak paham bahasa ke jgn batalkan my wudhuk when I ACCIDENTALLY brush against his hands in my effort to give him his favourite chestnut while struggling with the loads of shopping bag...'
that make me stunned and break into tears silently on our home....grrrrrrr

my 5th angry mode for the day....
when he made another childish act at DK house with his irrelevant jokes of MMB.....i dont give a damn about it..itsnot funny at allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll......im tired and i want to go back.......arrrgggghhhhh

there goes my long awaited day.....
timberland size 8 shoes doesnt have anymore meaning, the NEXT maternity trousers that cost a fortune doesnt give me any satisfaction, the baby GAP bundle of clothing is left on the floor....interestless and waiting to be kick in my angry mode....and even my new eyeshadow doesnt give any extra brightness as it claims......

he did try his very best..I know...busy finding presents for my bro when I'm busy on my angry mode, searching for the best insurance cover when im busy walking from door to door finding the best bargain and willingly escorting my maniac shopping spree visits to CO when he can choose to play futsal with his friend instead and buying me the M&S belgian choc that I had longed for so long (5 boxes of it)......

its not that I'm ungrateful...but its really getting on my nerves sometimesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......

pstttt...baby...mama bought you a cute baby GAP vest with matching hats.......we will check on it when mama feel a ltlle bit calmer ok baby......for the time being let your papa had his sleep in hungry mode..padan muka......:D

Sunday 23 December 2007

The Muslim’s 25 rules for life


1. Start off each day with ‘adhkaar al-istiyqaadh’ (waking up Supplications) , thanking Allah for waking up in good shape.

2. Put Allah first in your life.

3. Broaden your horizons - learn 5 new verses from the Quran every day, travel to pray far in the mosque to brighten your day,take up a booklet having supplications and read them.

4. Pray Salaat Al-dhuhaa (after sunrise).

5. If someone says something mean ;to you, just shrug it off and dismiss it in a friendly, laidback manner, and pray that Allah shall forgive them.

6. When you get angry, remember Allah, and how short and worthless life is to waste in being Angry.

7. Remember that you can never have too many friends, but you can have few quality friends that help you fulfill the purpose of your creation (i.e. live for Allah).

8. When you’re happy, try to share your happiness with others. Thank Allah for that, and pray its continuation.

9. When something ba d or embarrassing happens to you, just think that it could always be worse, remember the reward of patience,and thank Allah that it’s not worse than it is.

10. Do something extra of goodness once in a while, like feeding a poor person, or caressing an orphan’s head.

11. Never stop believing that you can win Allah’s love and thus work For it. Then you can win the love of Allah’s slaves.

12. Spend some time thinking of Allah’s amazing creation.

13. Always love those who love Allah unconditionally. This way you will ensure that you live for Him, love for Him, and hate for Him(those who are enemies of Him).

14. Find the righteous ways to express yourself, and if you think that what you are about to say shall cause no benefit, maintain silence (this is tough!!).

15. Every now and then, give yourself a break. Play sports, give time to your family, friends, but always remember Allah and watch that He is watching you.

16. Pray for blessing to come to those being lost, and pray to Allah to guide them to the right path.

17. Hug your parents, kiss their hands and heads and always obey but stop at Allah’s orders.

18. Smile to everyone, for your smile makes a big difference to him or her and you are rewarded.

19. Forgive, forget and smile.

20. Tears are not for women only… tears are for all human beings with feelings remaining in them. Don’t restrain your tears when remembering Allah.

21. When people criticize your actions and effort, revise your actions and see if they please Allah or no. If they do; then ignore and remember how the Prophet (SAAW) and the Sahaba were criticized, made fun of and even physically harmed, so have patience.

22. Read the Quran daily and try to have a schedule for completing it as much as you could. As you open the Quran daily, read with observing not just passing your eyes through the words.

23. Don’t let popularity go to your head, for it never lasts and you may lose from it more than gain.

24. Never look down on anybody, for, to Allah, they may be better than you.

25. Send this to all brothers with the intention of having a healthy society living for Allah and pray to Allah for the reward.